Archive for the ‘Unpleasantness’ Category
We’ve had some kinda really bad news this week. Most of which I can’t talk about here since the information doesn’t belong to me. I’m just not happy about it. At all.
We’ve had sorta good news in that we finally got our homestudy sorted out and sent our immigration paperwork to be approved for the eighty-twelfth billionth time. We started the homestudy renewal in July, btw.
We had a really surprising phone call with some news I don’t quite know what to do with. Good? Bad? I don’t know yet.
I realized I’ve been to the doctor more times since I turned 40 than I went in the 39 years before that. I came to this realization while sitting in my neuro’s office getting 30ish shots of botox in my head, jaw, and neck after I waited in a completely empty waiting room for over an hour – leaving me lots of time to be introspective about how you really do fall apart after 40. Oh yeah, and my doc thinks that popping noise in my neck might just be a touch of arthritis setting in. Thanks for making me feel even older, doc.
Ava’s having some behavior issues at school that are just wearing me out. There are two main challenges: The first is that she’s extremely strong willed and doesn’t want to listen to her teachers – so she just doesn’t sometimes – and the second is a personality conflict between Ava and another kid that’s causing some minor physical aggression. I’m just about at the point where I want to say just let ‘em take it out onto the playground and work it out between themselves because I’m, frankly, getting tired of the dreaded blue note showing up in her take home folder. It’s funny because these two tiny (the smallest two in the class) girls are clearly struggling for alpha status. The other little girl tells people all the time she’s a “Barbie Girl.” I tell Ava that she could end this by making it clear to everyone that she’s a Warrior Princess (think Mulan) and this should end the whole argument since everyone knows Mulan could kick Barbie’s rear end with one hand tied behind her back.
I am joking, somewhat. It’s just been really difficult in trying to figure out the right balance of disciplining Ava for misbehavior at school (that she’s already been punished for there) while understanding (not that I’m justifying) that much of what she is doing is developmentally appropriate for her age group. She’s definitely not the only one who isn’t a “good” listener but this frequent catfighting (kitten fighting?) thing is kind of shocking/annoying/trying my patience. Besides, her behavior as of late has really shown us that we have no freaking clue as to what we are doing as parents. Seriously, none. At all.
So, what DO you do? We tried putting her to bed early (really early) as a punishment since it cuts her time down with us, which is also a pretty awful punishment for me since I miss her and want to spend time with her – well, mostly…except for Tuesday, Wednesday, and especially Thursday of this week. But an early bedtime really isn’t that effective as a punishment when she cries for a few minutes and then promptly falls asleep and stays that way all night. I mean, YAY for sleeping, of course – but it clearly wasn’t so much of a win considering our original intent.
Every time I was tempted to complain about my Monday today (and it was a pretty rotten one for a variety of reasons so the temptation was strong) I thought about my friend who is burying his son tomorrow, about the people in Japan whose lives have been completely shattered, about people who have lost their jobs unexpectedly, and about the people in my life who are dealing with life threatening illnesses.
And then I kicked myself in the rear and decided to get over myself.
I have two people in my life who tell me that they love me every single day – usually multiple times – and who want to spend time with (sometimes often grouchy) me. I have a relatively secure job that I actually like 99% of the time. I am in good(ish) health and have great insurance to cover the ish part when needed. J and I both still have all of our parents and siblings and there’s even a new niece or nephew on the way. I’m mostly financially secure (well, as much as the average middle class family, I guess).
Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of perspective to clear up your focus, huh?
You never expect to open up facebook and see a status update from a friend with a link to the obituary of his 18 month old son. Facebook is supposed to be a happy place where one reads too many details about what one’s acquaintances had for lunch (oh wait, that would be my personal TMI check-ins, wouldn’t it?) or the latest and greatest photos/updates about what their kids are up to (uh-oh, me again).
I don’t know what happened. All I know is that a much loved little boy is unexpectedly gone and I have no idea how his (no longer in a romantic relationship) parents are going to handle this. My immediate and visceral reaction was that they may as well bury me with her if something like that happened to Ava. I can’t even imagine life without her. The very thought sends chills down my spine and makes my heart skip a beat. I’m not afraid of much – but I am constantly (and often illogically) fearful for her.
Of course I read all this after a morning of shopping with Ava and her daddy – which can be quite an exasperating experience at the best of times. At one point this AM I unceremoniously hauled my shoeless (because she kept kicking her clogs off while sitting in the cart so I finally took them away from her and put them in my purse) kid out of the store and plunked her in the car seat where I could ignore her screeching and whining in favor of perusing facebook on my phone while J completed his shopping in peace. Lunch was a bit of a horror (same whining and screeching) so I was kind of looking forward to putting her down for a nap and getting a couple of hours of quiet.
I usually sit with her for a minute (or 60) while she’s dozing off and today was no different. I fired up the iPad and that’s when I read the aforementioned facebook status. I left a comment expressing my shock and sympathy and then promptly crawled into my daughter’s toddler bed where I wrapped her in my arms as tightly as she would let me and held her for a solid 90 minutes while she slept – safe – in my arms.
I don’t have a good or witty or wise ending to this post. There really are no words.
Situation #1: A very dear friend of mine has just found out she is ill. She’s a fighter so I know she’ll give it all she’s got to beat this but the reality is that it will be a physically grueling battle for her – especially as a working single mom to a young daughter. I am really, really angry at the universe for this. She doesn’t deserve it.
Situation #2: Another friend’s ex-husband was murdered last night. He’d invited a homeless man (someone he’d helped before) into his home to warm up. He caught the man trying to steal something and asked him to leave – and instead ended up being stabbed to death. He leaves behind a 15 year old daughter with my friend and a younger son with another woman. I fear that due to troubled and strained relationships there will be much (pointless and undeserved) guilt left behind for all parties involved. A 15 year old should never have to bury a parent nor should a parent have to bury their child. It disrupts the order of the universe.
Very bad things happening to very good people that I care about and I hate it.
A little mini one is lurking in Ava’s daycare.
One that munched on my kid while she was lying defenseless on her cot, deep in sleep. And the little beast bit hard, too. Through an undershirt and a fleece, it still left deep teeth marks that very nearly broke the skin and left a perfect, bruised outline on her left shoulder blade. It hurt her, too. She was favoring that side and had a hard time sitting or laying comfortably.
And no one knew who did it. There were two suspects, both new transplants into the 2 year old room, but no one actually saw the bite happen and Ava, as a reputable witness, is pretty unreliable (if she even knew anyway). For example, when J asked her who bit her she said, “Mama did it.” When I asked her who bit her she told me, “Emma did it.” Since I was still on lockdown and unable to drive and Emma is our dog who won’t go within 10 feet of Ava at the best of times and certainly didn’t head on out for a 16 mile round trip to sneak in and bite her I’m pretty sure that Ava’s testimony wouldn’t hold water in judicial proceedings of any type.
Since I wasn’t there, J channeled me and raised holy hell with them as to why the opportunity even happened since they were all supposed to be napping on their individual cots. And demanded to know why, if these two kids are known biters, they weren’t being supervised a little more closely during this naturally tumultuous transition stage. Ava was not the first, or even the second, child to be bitten in as many days.
Bottom line: An extra staff member was added to the room for assistance until things settle down and I’m so proud of J for pulling a me until an acceptable resolution was reached because I know, I know, that J was way nicer and more diplomatic than I would have been. My mama bear instincts were raging and all I wanted to do was hunt the little bloodsucker down with a stake at that point.
I guess we should count ourselves lucky that in nearly 2 years of daycare this is our first (and hopefully only) biting incident.