Archive for the ‘Ava’ Category
I want to thank you all so much for your comments on my previous post. Your support truly helps get us through each day.
Today was (mostly) better.
We, along with a couple of other families, decided to grab some taxis and head over to the Henan Provincial Museum. Admission is free for foreign passport holders so all it cost us was a taxi ride – about $2 each way. I personally like taxi rides here but I can say that since I only see the side view from the back seat. J rides up front so he doesn’t like them nearly as much. It was easy-peasy to get a taxi to take us there and it’s only about a 15 minute ride. Merry was asleep as soon as the car started moving.
The museum was pretty amazing. The history and artifacts here just boggle the mind. We have a couple of hundred years where Chinese history spans thousands. Amazing. My personal favorite section of the museum was the Tang dynasty tricolored glazed pottery (with the Mongolian special exhibit coming in a close second).
I was carrying Merry in a hip carrier (with her sleeping a good portion of the time) and had a number of really positive experiences with folks looking at her, smiling, and giving us the thumbs up sign. The universe must have known I needed these people today. There were some stares but nothing at all like we experienced yesterday.
Once again, we were rock stars. There was a field trip of children there (maybe 13 or so years old) and they were running helter-skelter throughout the large, echo-ey building. Some were taking pictures and making notes as assigned while many others were vying to see how many could take their picture with us, I posed with a number of Chinese schoolchildren until one of the museum guards (bless him) finally chastised the kids and ran them off. Honestly though, I didn’t mind. The kids were friendly and very, very polite with their requests.
And once again, we encountered a film crew. The lead camera guy talked to J for a long time. The other camera guy filmed me looking at a really cool gold turtle. Film at 11, I guess.
We spent a couple of hours there before catching a taxi and heading back. I was successful (Go Me!) at hailing a taxi right away and our driver was so nice. He had some sort of very obvious skin condition (pigmentation or scarring maybe) and he looked so kindly at Merry. Both Merry and Ava were delightfully giggling in the back seat so the overwhelming sweetness probably helped.
On the way back I told J that Merry felt warm. He didn’t believe me – well, he thought she was warm because she was in the carrier and it was super humid – but I knew better. So yes, she is running a fever that came on really quick. We, of course, did not pack a thermometer in another stunningly boneheaded parental move so our facilitator called the hotel and had one sent up to us (convenient!). Except we’re kind of used to those handy dandy electronic things that you just touch to their head and not really so used to the mercury filled glass thermometer that I remember growing up with. Once J got over his freak out over the whole idea of mercury we had to google the best way to take a temp with it. We opted for underarm and my mom instinct was proven right once again. Tylenol did not bring her fever down at all but ibuprofen did the trick quickly. She’s had two doses so far. My mom-meter is telling me its an ear infection and I’ll bet a bajillion dollars that I am right – except there’s nothing I can do about it here. Another family has had their new daughter at the hospital for two nights in a row so we’re trying to avoid that experience if there is any way possible – seems their answer for everything is an IV in the head. No, thanks. I’ll start giving her the antibiotic we have here for Ava first if I have to.
Ava is not doing well – not sure if it is jealousy, homesickness, or most likely a combination of everything – so we decided that she would stick it out in the room with me and Merry for the rest of the day. J was in and out running various errands (more on one of those in a bit) so we had some lovely sister moments and some equally horrid sibling rivalry moments where Ava got banished to a corner. I did spend some quality alone time talking with her after Merry went to sleep and she did verbalize some of her feelings to me – the people getting too close to her makes her nervous and she only wants to eat eggs now since they are just like the ones she has at home – so I hope we can have an easier day tomorrow. She did tell me that what made her happiest today was her sister so there’s progress.
Oh, but we had an incident. And it was a big deal.
Ava has a lambie. Lambie is her most favorite stuffed toy. Lambie was a gift from my mom years ago – just an inexpensive stuffed animal – but oh, is Lambie loved. Lambie is also required for sleeping at night.
And Lambie went missing.
Housekeeping changed the sheets and covers yesterday. Rarrr (panda) and her Elmo blanket were as they should be but Lambie was gone. Ava had been playing with him yesterday so we thought he could have been in a suitcase or backpack in the room but we couldn’t find him in time for bed last night and decided she could tough it out until we tracked him down in the morning.
It was a rough night. And then, even after tearing apart the room, he was still nowhere to be found today. The panic (hers AND mine) started to set in. It’s not so easy to communicate OMG! THE MOST FAVORITE LAMBIE IS LOST AND WE WILL ALL DIE IF HE ISN’T FOUND when you don’t speak the language so we tracked down our facilitator and asked her to contact housekeeping to communicate the urgency for us. Well, she didn’t. I guess she forgot. So as we neared bedtime tonight the situation was becoming increasingly critical but we had no idea how on earth to get this across the language barrier.
So in a not so boneheaded parental move I searched Facebook for pictures of Lambie. There were several – of like a corner of Lambie as Ava hugged him. I searched the pictures on my iPad. Again, flashes of Lambie but nothing mug shot worthy. I searched my photo stream and this is where I want to send a huge thank you, thank you to Apple for making iCloud and for making my iPhone preschooler friendly because, BINGO! There was a picture Ava had taken of Lambie sitting on her bed.
So off J goes, iPad in hand, to the front desk where the clerk takes a picture with her iPhone of the picture on the iPad and immediately texts it out to the housekeeping staff. 4.2 seconds later we have housekeeping and a translator in our room where they immediately get the gravity of the situation and dispatch people on a laundry wide search. 20 seconds later, Lambie is being returned with a million apologies that I couldn’t have cared less about because I was so da*n happy to see that ratty stuffed animal that I could have cried. Ava’s eyes lit up, she did a little hop or 12, and we all effusively thanked the people who went on high alert to find this little girl’s toy so she (and we) could sleep. Lambie had quite the adventure, which Ava has already told me all about, and he has also been roundly chastised. (“That behavior is not acceptable,” she said to him.)
So, everyone is sleeping and Merry is cooing in her sleep (she also gurgles – it’s the cutest thing) and we have one more full day in province before we fly to Guangzhou on Friday night (late). I hope to get at least a little bit of jade shopping done tomorrow for at least something for Merry from her province and maybe visit the park one more time. We’ll see how little Miss Merry feels in the morning to see if any of that actually happens, of course.
It really was a better day.
(Pictures tomorrow, maybe. The internet is sloooooowwwww here tonight.)
I’m kind of an emotional wreck today.
Due to a procedural change in the way the baby’s passport is applied for and issued we were required to apply in person in the city she is from. Her city, Nanyang, is about a 4 hour drive from the provincial capital, Zhengzhou, where we are now. Regardless of the inconvenience I was very happy to hear that we would be able to go as most other parents adopting from Nanyang have not been allowed due to the distance.
We headed out around 8:30 this morning and made really good time there. The drive was fine, although slightly hair-raising as usual. We loaded up the iPad for Ava and she did great. Merry slept the first couple of hours and then got a little fussy since she couldn’t get up and move around. Overall though, it was an easy trip. Very pretty – lush and green – once you get out of the city. It is a very agricultural area between Zhengzhou and Nanyang with the main crops in the area being corn and wheat. But yes, that is smog. (And sorry if the photo quality sucks but most of these were taken from the back seat of a van, through the window, while hurtling down the expressway with a driver who clearly had a death wish.)
Driving into Nanyang was interesting. It’s a 2-3 lane road that Chinese drivers have made into an unofficial 6 lane road. These people know how to play chicken, that’s for sure.
I’ve been lobbying to visit her orphanage since before we even got to China even though I knew it was a long shot. The guide with us today was not encouraging but did promise that we would be able to visit Merry’s finding spot. We will not share this location with anyone as we feel it is Merry’s private story to share when/if she wishes – but let me tell you that going there with her today was one of the most emotional and heartbreaking moments of my life. J was holding her with one hand and taking pictures with the other while I walked on ahead to get a quick video with my phone. Picture me (red-haired Caucasian who kind of stands out anyway) just sobbing while I was doing this. I started crying the minute I got out of the van and approached the area and didn’t stop for quite a while. My heart is just so heavy when I think of my precious baby – as well as my little big girl – having to go through this part of their life alone. I know it’s the beginning of what brought them to me but it’s just so hard to think of it (and of the sorrow their birthparents must have felt) and to physically be there where Merry was found was just almost too much to bear. J felt exactly the same way. I am happy that I can say to both of my girls that I know with 100% certainty that they were left where they would be quickly found and for that I am grateful beyond measure. This visit to her finding spot is beyond priceless to me and I think the pictures and video will be to her later on.
The passport office was not open yet so we headed off to lunch. The guide took us to a “western” style restaurant where we had a chicken burger(?), really spicy chicken drummettes, deep fried sweet potato and corn nuggets, and the pièce de résistance consisting of 2 breaded and deep fried circular patties of Spam – which you were supposed to liberally sprinkle with black pepper. Some of that meal was gross – I’ll leave you to figure out which part. We were also quite taken aback with the baby of one of the workers, complete with bare-bottomed split pants, perched right in the center of a table inside. A table where people eat. I love clorox wipes – I’m just sayin’. And the decor? Retro Disney and smiling Asian children. We neglected to take a picture of the Pooh decals on the other wall. I’m pretty sure that this usage of Disney branding is not official.
The passport procedure itself was simple. We met the assistant orphanage director and she, along with our facilitator, handled most everything. The orphanage director had to hold Merry for her passport photo and that went fine. They got the cutest picture on the first try and Merry was just a dream throughout the process. After we finished there we walked next door to submit the paperwork where there were 2 other orphanage workers to assist us and another family. We submitted Merry’s application, our passports, and had to sit down for a quick interview that consisted of another photo being taken of Merry and two questions. They asked us how many biological kids we had (zero) and then how many times we had adopted before (one). They only asked the last question after they spotted the old Chinese visa in our passports. This whole process lasted maybe half an hour.
We had lots of people looking and smiling and some approaching us in the office. One grandma type was clearly approving and asked Ava (in Chinese) if Merry was her mei-mei. Ava shyly nodded yes and then buried her head in my leg and refused to speak to anyone else. Once the paperwork was finished the orphanage director came over and reached out to hold Merry to say goodbye. Merry went to her easily but stayed only a minute before she was reaching for me to take her back. The women all cooed about how she wanted her Mama and smiled approvingly. I, of course, was near tears again.
After my incessant nagging we were told that we would be allowed to go to the orphanage but it didn’t happen. I was outvoted since I was the only one who wanted to. Apparently it would have added an extra hour to the trip. I cannot even express to you how sad I am about not being able to go. I would have given anything to meet the nannies who took care of my baby and to see where she came from – but majority rules and I lost. I will be sad about this for a long time, I think. I know we missed a once in a lifetime chance. We would have been one of the first groups allowed to visit the orphanage, by the way. They have not been especially open to outside visits.
I did have a chance to ask some questions of the director and she was so kind and tolerant of my questions even pulling out Merry’s complete file to answer some of them. We know that Merry was found by a passerby (time of day unknown) who contacted the police and two policemen (saw their pictures on the police report in her file) collected her and delivered her to the orphanage. One of the policemen named her and supposedly chose her name because she was so cute and lovable (she is). The director said they listed Merry for adoption because she was so sweet and full of personality (she is that, too). They would like to see updates on her so the assistant director gave me her email address and asked me to email a picture of Merry when we have her surgery. I broke down in tears (again) when I asked our facilitator to translate how grateful I was to her and to the orphanage and to convey my gratitude to the nannies and to her foster grandma for the care they provided to her. The associate director had tears in her eyes by this time and thanked me for adopting her. We said our goodbyes and headed back to the van – me crying and them following behind and waving the whole way.
We had an uneventful trip back despite an unfortunate squatty potty excursion – think the worst gas station bathroom you’ve ever seen and multiply it by a million. I did learn today that Ava can hold it for at least 6 hours if she wants to. I finally just started opening random non-bathroom doors at the second rest stop and came across a handicapped bathroom with a western toilet that apparently also doubled as a smoking area (as is the rest of China, so I’m not sure why people would specifically go in there to smoke – but they did). We remain the center of attention always but at this point I HAD to find a place for Ava to go potty and she was having NONE of the squatty potty experience so I didn’t care that I was a crazy foreigner randomly opening doors.
More scenery (and a public service announcement).
Oh yeah, and somebody slept some more. Well, actually two somebodies slept but I couldn’t take pictures of one of them since she was on my lap.
So – that was our day. One filled with much sadness, joy, regret, relief, and gratefulness all at the same time.
This will be short but sweet today. I’ll try to flesh it out in the next day or so and add pictures but I haven’t downloaded them yet and everyone else is asleep so I can’t turn on the light to find the camera to do that right now. Well, that and I really have to go to bed since we have to be up early to drive to Merry’s city to apply for her passport. Her city, by the way, is 4 hours away. We will drive there with another family (who thankfully is also traveling with their older child which means Ava has a friend along).
Anyhoo.
The big news of the day?
Ava and I got to bottle feed fish at the local aquarium. Seriously. And it was really, really cool (until they told me it was tiny, squished up worm juice in the bottle and then I was a little grossed out and maybe overdid it on the hand sanitizer). J got a turn too once Ava and I got tired of bottle feeding said fish. They take a long time to eat (who knew?) and it got a little tiresome being that I’m already immersed in bottle feeding someone else right now anyway.
Ava was also in heaven because we are experiencing full on parental guilt for ruining her life with this new sister so we bought her every tacky souvenir in sight that she even remotely expressed an interest in. You know, like the multicolored flashing dolphin necklace and the pink inflatable squeaky dolphin. All the things we would never, ever buy her in the states since they would be like $12 each but we could swing here since they were, I don’t know, like a dollar. Even better since J, along with one of the other dads, got to haggle for them. He came back so proud. He hunted and gathered, you know.
We left off last night with some sister playtime…
Today we finalized Merry’s adoption. This means that she is now ours legally and forever.
We started the day out early with breakfast at the hotel where Merry ate 422 dragon fruits. I exaggerate only a little. She LOVES these things – and they even provide long lasting entertainment, too. Have you ever tried to pick a million of those little black seeds off of a baby once they dry on there? Good times. In addition to the dragon fruit she had eggs, congee, banana bread, and whatever else she could snag off of my or J’s plate.
After breakfast we took our black speckled baby and her big sister and headed to the provincial registration office (which is where we met the babies yesterday). After lots of paperwork and a seemingly neverending wait we finally all stood and listened to a short congratulatory speech from the registration official before being presented with our adoption certificate. I teared up, of course, but managed to hold it together. It’s hard to do that, y’all. I’m just so darn grateful that I have been given the opportunity – twice – to parent these amazing kids.
After the registration portion most of us got back on the bus and headed to the notary office where the remainder of our paperwork awaits processing. This office will process the adoption paperwork and issue us the remainder of the official documents.
I will never forget this trip – if only because the office we had to visit was on the sixth floor of a building with no elevator to which I had to walk up loaded down like a Sherpa with all the backpacks, diaper bag, and camera bag while dragging a reluctant 5 year old whose shoe was falling off and who didn’t want to go in because “it smells yucky – like smoke.” (She was right, it did.) J got off easy since he was carrying the sleeping baby – who weighs in at about 15-16 pounds soaking wet. Did I mention this was SIX flights of stairs???
By the way, Merry was so impressed by the significance of this day that she slept right through most of it - including the notary pictures. (Did I mention how freaking cool it is to have a kid who sleeps anywhere and everywhere? This is a new experience for us. I like it.)
After we finished all of the legal stuff we celebrated like any red-blooded Americans will do in a country full of amazing local cuisine…we went to McDonalds where Merry experienced her first fry and Ava got to have corn as her side in her happy meal.
It was a win for all – especially since I got my long-desired fried pineapple pie (OMG – can’t even tell you how much I love these things).
We pretty much just crashed in the hotel for the rest of the day (where I was *that* parent who allowed my child to run up and down the hallway). We even had dinner in an overpriced hotel restaurant. Can I just tell you how surreal it is to be eating dinner in an Italian restaurant in China while a cheesy lounge singer and her guitar playing, backup singing cohort plays Lady Ga*ga tunes? And to watch my Chinese born but American attitude through and girl throughly entertain the entire restaurant by dancing her tush off and loudly applauding when there were finally (thankfully) done.
Loving our travel group, by the way. They’re an amazing group of people!
These are only a few of the ones someone snapped on my little camera. We haven’t downloaded them from our big camera or gotten the ones our travel mates took for us.
That’s okay. I think you’ll get the idea. 
On the way out the door:
The view from the provincial office while we were waiting on Merry to arrive:
Ava’s viewpoint of what Gotcha Day looks like:
No captions necessary:
Aaaaannnndddd, back where we started (+1):
