Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category
As Ava gets older we’re trying to work out our family traditions on how we will celebrate our gotcha day – the anniversary of the day she was placed into our arms. I have lots of ideas but they all don’t feel right (for us) yet but, regardless, this wasn’t a good year for much of anything requiring too much planning or movement since surgery was only 9 short days prior.
But I did want to do something to commemorate it since it was one of (if not THE) best days of my life and I want to ensure that Ava knows that, despite any other feelings she may eventually have regarding that date. I do realize that although it was a day of exceptional gain for us, that gain came at a great loss of many things for her. I can only hope we can ultimately balance those things out by providing her with a family that loves her beyond measure.
At the very least there was going to be cake and presents – except there was nary an egg or a cake mix in the house – so a trip to T.arget was in order. I was beyond excited at the thought of getting out of my house for the first time in a week and a half. Way more excitement than a quick trip like that would normally engender but hey, you try being stuck inside with only daytime TV for company and see how desperate you get for a change of scenery.
Out trip was successful. Cake ingredients procured, as were some odds and ends gift-y things for her, and since I didn’t keel over in the middle of the store (although I felt like having J push me in the cart once we’d made about half a lap around the perimeter) we celebrated with Starb.ucks on the way out. Grande hot chocolate, skim with no whipped is my drink of choice (I don’t do coffee – ever) and Ava always gets a sip or two.
But since this was a special occasion we treated her to her very own cup this time. Whole milk WITH whipped cream – WOOT!
Her first Starbucks:
It was a hit – for about 3 sips. Then she ever so sweetly asked Daddy to hold it and refused to take it back again.
I’m okay with that. Much easier on my pocketbook anyway and she is always welcome to share mine.
By the way, frosting in an aerosol can? OMG – it’s even better than Easy Cheese.
Guess what came in the mail today?
Ava’s official US birth certificate listing J and I as her parents. We’ve been waiting (impatiently) on this since her readoption was completed so it was a very pleasant surprise to open the mailbox and see it waiting there for me.
I was a little weepy when I opened it up and saw it. This means a lot to us – on both an emotional level and on a practical level – and is the main reason we went through all the hassle of readopting her in Virginia. We didn’t have to since her adoption was complete and legal in China but this was the only way we could get a VA birth certificate so we sucked it up and did it.
I don’t know why but (emotionally) it makes everything seem a bit more real to see it laid out in black and white on an official US document naming us as her parents. I guess because we’re conditioned over the years that a birth certificate is like the gold standard of identity documents but it also hit me that she now has a birth certificate just like everybody else’s – one that lists her parents’ names and isn’t in a foreign language requiring explanations and translations every time we have to produce it. Before this she only had a Chinese birth certificate which truly pained me every single time I looked at it. Trust me, it’s really, really hard to look at your much loved and desperately wanted child’s documents and see the words ‘Abandoned – Parents Unknown.’ I know what they mean but I just wanted to protest and say that her (now) parents ARE known. Not to mention that I didn’t want her or us to have to answer nosy questions down the road when we did have to provide her birth certificate for things like school enrollment nor did I want that on file for anyone to see – if it’s painful for me to see it then I have to assume it will be for her at some point in her future.
I don’t know – is this a big deal to others or is it just me? Will it matter to Ava? I don’t know that either. Maybe she’ll think we’re trying to wipe away her Chinese birth identity or maybe she won’t even think of it at all. Regardless, it’s a big deal to us (J and I) right now (we’re her parents, y’all – officially!) and we’re happy that the commonwealth finally got around to sending it only 5 months after the judge signed the final order of adoption.
Not that I was counting or anything.
We are done, done, done with Bethany. Well, almost. I still owe them some pictures and they owe me a letter for the tax people verifying what some of the receipts we got in China are for – but once all that’s done I can wash my hands of them completely.
We had our last post placement meeting (#4). We had another new social worker, so we’ve now worked with a grand total of 5 social workers through 1 agency to complete Ava’s adoption.
They handle me with kid gloves now. I imagine that there are probably big red stickers all over my file indicating what a difficult ‘patient’ I am but I’ve gotten progressively more vocal over the problems we’ve had in dealing with the local office and Bethany in general. Something must have finally clicked after the last survey I filled out though because I finally got a call from the local director a couple of weeks ago asking if we could talk. We had a lengthy conversation where I provided very detailed and specific examples regarding the issues I had and I think that she finally listened. I hope so.
Anyway, the last visit took a grand total of about 15 minutes. I felt like we were rushed in and out, which was okay by me, and I’m not sure the social worker really listened to or cared about anything we said which was, again, okay by me. I’m sure she’d been told to tread carefully. I think she barely spoke to J at all and only acknowledged Ava once or twice.
Ava behaved wonderfully. She explored the office a bit with J in hot pursuit and then sat down on the floor beside the couch with a book in one hand and a cheese cracker in the other. She was pretty much good with that for about 8 more minutes until she decided to get my purse and drag it to the door saying “go, go, go” at the top of her lungs. Sounded like a good idea to me so we did.
We went to the mall afterwards. That’s a whole ‘nother post in itself.
I’ve alternated between weepy/teary and happy all day today. In a good way for both, of course.
It was one year ago today that Qi Xiao Bei was placed in our arms and we all began our new life as a family of three. It’s so hard to believe that a year with her has gone by so fast when all the years waiting seemed to drag on forever.
We left our hotel in Beijing really early on the morning of the 21st and headed to the airport where our group split and headed to 3 different provinces to meet our daughters and son. J and I were in the lobby to meet the others very early (really unusual as I’m late for everything) so we had plenty of time to ramp up the anxiety level although J and the other dads quickly started talking football to pass the time. The hotel packed a boxed breakfast for us which was absolutely horrid – I remember processed lunch meat of some sort and fruit (pears, maybe?) which we were told by the guide not to eat. I was a nervous wreck anyway and tossed mine without eating anything. The airport was huge and busy and I, along with several of the others, was feeling more than a little discombobulated (which is an unfamiliar feeling for me when it comes to travel as I’m usually pretty confident with it). Our facilitator was not traveling with us – she was leaving with another family who was traveling solo – so she got our bags checked, pointed us in the right direction, wished us good luck, and disappeared. There were 4 families heading to Hubei – with most of us being experienced travelers which helped. That said, going through security was not much fun at all. No clear cut rules and the lack of English made it a little nerve-wracking. We made it through security (finally) and took off at a gallop to the gate which was approximately 364 miles away and I’m truly not exaggerating very much. Oh my gosh, it was a hike and we way overpacked so we were toting far too many bags to gallop that far comfortably.
The flight itself must have been fine. To be honest, I don’t remember much about the flight except that there were plenty of people sneaking into the bathrooms to smoke and they kept feeding us every 10 minutes or so. I think the flight was only about an hour or maybe just over.
The Wuhan airport was much easier to navigate and our Hubei facilitator, Eric, was waiting for us right outside the luggage area. Again, too many bags and we were in desperate need of a restroom at this point so poor, patient Eric had to wait and wait on all of us to get it together. He finally loaded us up on a bus and we drove to the hotel. All I remember is that it was snowing and icy – no idea of how long it actually took us to drive from Point A to Point B. All I cared about by then is that we would be getting Ava that afternoon. He’d already confirmed that, despite the snow, the 4 babies were on their way to Wuhan from Qichun.
We checked into the hotel (very nice place – couldn’t tell you the name of it right now to save my life) and had a few minutes to get unpacked before we had to get on the road to go meet the babies. Let me tell you, it was quite a shock walking into a hotel room and finding a crib set up in there. That was kind of the moment that made it seem really, really real to me.
Once we got to the provincial affairs office and finally made it in to the building (Tip: don’t ever take the elevator in a Chinese building – people still smoke everywhere, including elevators, and it nearly killed me being in a smoky elevator smushed full of people) we were left to wait in a conference room. It was so cold in there. All of the employees of the building were wearing their coats and hats inside so I’m guessing it’s only ever barely heated. I kept taking my coat off, putting it back on, taking it off, etc. I must have been in an off cycle when they brought Ava in because it’s not on in any of the first pictures that I have with her.
The provincial officer came in and talked to the group about the harmonious period (essentially where we assumed temporary custody of Ava for the 24 hour period preceding her adoption) and we signed the paperwork for that.
By this point, they knew we were done for and the babies were brought in.
Ava was last through the door and was carried in by the orphanage director himself. I was frustrated because the other families had their babes in arms and were blocking my way so I finally elbowed through and got our girl at long last.
What I do regret is not taking a few moments to talk with the orphanage director at that time but I didn’t know (or care at that particular moment) that I wouldn’t see him again.
If you’re interested you can go back and read more about our day here.
Since J and I are still recovering from our weekend we had a low key celebration at home tonight. Chinese takeout was on the menu this year – ultimately we’ll let Ava help decide how/where we celebrate our got-each-other day. Tomorrow we’ll have cupcakes and balloons to celebrate her actual Adoption Day. Trust me, cupcakes and balloons are high livin’ to this particular 21 month old. She’ll probably think it’s Christmas all over again.
We’ve been in touch today with some of the families we traveled with. It truly is a bond that we’ll share with those families forever and I do hope that we can maintain these connections for the girls throughout the years.
I know this is a long, long post but I can sum it up like this:
J and I had a great life pre-Ava but, in retrospect, it was like living in black and white. She’s brought the technicolor (that we didn’t even know was missing) into our world and made it that much brighter.
Got another letter from our (I can almost say former) adoption agency. This one was congratulating us on completing Ava’s readoption which, by the way, is for the readoption they told us we needed to have an attorney to do and oh, by the way again, they just happened to have one they could recommend.
Sorry, I digress. My bitterness is showing.
This letter was sent not only to congratulate us but also to let us know that we can now apply for both a Virginia birth certificate AND a social security card. I’m so glad they advised us of this, especially since a vital records request was required by the court as an accompaniment to the adoption petition AND since we already have a social security card for Ava that was obtained shortly after we returned from China. Gosh, I just knew all of my time spent educating myself on the processes and seeking my own answers would be fruitless since I have the Bethany team looking out for us and providing such accurate information.
Oh yeah, and they want us to know it would be their pleasure to assist us with any future adoptions. I do hope they’re holding their breath while they wait for my call – which will be made to them shortly after hell freezes over. Oh wait, that already happened when I bought the country CD so I guess they’ll have to wait until after pigs fly.
The sarcasm is coming through loud and clear, right?
But. I was so very happy to see another survey also included in the envelope. I attacked it with glee, proudly wrote my name in big letters on the top of the page (no anonymous comments from me), and covered the measly remarks area as well as the back side of the page with my reasons for the ratings that I gave.
I doubt they’ll listen.
I am amazed, however, at the difference in quality of services provided by our new agency. I know we’re just beginning and are still in the honeymoon phase, but man-oh-man. Just the information provided and the presentation of said information is light years beyond what we ever got from Bethany and that pisses me off all over again because I see how much easier Bethany could make it on their clients if they wanted to.
On another note, I owe several folks some return emails so if you’ve emailed me through the blog recently please know that I have not forgotten anyone and am not purposely being rude. I am in my very busiest time of the year at work and won’t see the light of day for another 2 weeks. December 6th is the light at the end of the tunnel when I hope to learn what sleep is again and to not feel like I’m pedaling 100mph and still getting nowhere fast.