Archive for November, 2011
After our mega long parent-teacher conference the other day (did I mention I booked the last appointment of the day because I already knew it would take me way longer than 15 minutes?) it appears that we are seeing a little bit of improvement. Ava had a rocky day Monday but the last 2 days have been great for her and I can tell that her teachers are making a concerted effort to praise her more for her successes AND to make sure to tell us, in front of her, how well her day went. Even going so far as to provide us with a few examples of her good behaviors during the day so we can continue to reinforce the positive.
I realize we’re only a couple of days in but this shows me that her teacher did listen to our concerns and is trying to help. I feel much better about that.
And I’ve given myself a stern talking to as well. I need to adjust my attitude as to how I react and respond to these issues and learn when and what to let go. I’m not saying I’m backing down – just reminding myself that I need to choose my battles and not sweat the small stuff. I will also admit to recently going on a oh-please-somebody-teach-me-how-to-parent book buying binge at Amazon so some of my attitude adjustment is coming from there. In particular I’m finding this book, The Pocket Parent, to be very helpful. Highly recommend for toddler/preschooler parents. I wish I’d read this one a little sooner.
So that’s the good news.
The bad news is that apparently when her horrible, sucky, bad choices kind of day packed up and moved out it just hopped right on over to my office and settled in. It’s been a long time since I had a day this bad. It started when I left the house and only let up for the few hours I spent with her this evening (and honestly, even then I was a little distracted by it). But you know what? I’ll keep it if it means she doesn’t have to deal with it.
<Sigh>
I’m going to bed now just to get this day over with. Stick a fork in me ’cause I’m done.
Annual mammogram results came back today.
There’s always that heart in my throat, panic-y feeling when I see that envelope in the mail, ya know? As a veteran of more than a few callbacks for follow up ultrasounds, the wait between mammogram and results drags by and it just makes me a tad bit more nervous every year (especially since I’m now squarely on the other side of 40).
Normal. That’s what my letter said.
Done for another year, YAY!
I’ve mentioned before that Ava is struggling a bit in school.
More details:
Earlier in the year there was a problem kid in her class. Kid had some serious developmental issues and this setting was not a good fit for her. Kid was also not very verbal and would lash out aggressively and often – and she was a very big kid who was capable of inflicting some damage. She was fairly violent at times and seemed to target specific children (thankfully it was rarely Ava). The problems were increasing and a number of parents were expressing their concern about the other childrens’ safety. The teachers in her class were so busy with dealing with this child that the learning environment was not optimal for the other children and most attention was focused on this kid. The kid left the school soon after – her sibling still goes there so I assume she was asked to leave after several months of trying to deal with the behaviors.
So, what does this have to do with Ava? Well, for one thing this kid taught all of the others (by example) that hey, you can hit people. My kid learned this pretty well – along with several others. So all of a sudden, my non-hitting child has deciding that hitting is a perfectly acceptable way to solve problems. We’re not hitters in our family so this is either something she picked up there or is just something she likes to do. 90% of the time she’s hitting the same kid (who is also a hitter) but she’s hit another little girl a time or two as well. We are NOT happy about this, of course.
But it’s not only that. She’s in trouble almost every single day for not listening or for not putting her things away or for not sharing or for throwing a toy on the ground or…well, you get the idea. I really dread walking into her daycare for pickup because I know somebody is going to make a beeline for me to tell me all the things she did wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I asked for feedback when she gets in trouble but I didn’t know it would be like this every.single.freaking.day. Sometimes I just want to ask – and I have – if she ever does anything right.
And I’m not proud of how we’ve handled it sometimes. We’ve tried it all – taking toys away, yelling, various punishments, talking the issue to death, reading books, putting her to bed early – and we’re not really seeing any results other than we’ve completely succeeded in making us all miserable. I hate how it affects our whole evening every single day and I feel helpless and I don’t know what to do and then that makes me mad at myself and it turns into one big vicious cycle of grouching and misery.
But I do know some things. This can’t continue. I feel like we’re losing so much quality time together because we’re letting what happens at school bleed over into our family time in the evenings. I don’t want to be so affected by this but it just wears on me – and I’m worried that if we don’t address it that we’ll end up with a little psychopath on our hands. I am worried, so worried, that she will start feeling like she can’t do anything right if she keeps on hearing all the things that she does wrong. She is such a (usually) kind, sweet, and loving kid that it kills me to think of her being labeled as something other than that.
I’ve been revisiting all of my child development books and honestly, most of this seems developmentally appropriate for her age. But I feel like if I say that too much then people think I’m just defending her because she’s my kid. I get it that she’s doing some things wrong, but geez. She’s four. If they were capable of behaving like perfectly self-controlled little adults all the time then they wouldn’t really need us, would they?
This is where I need advice because I am wondering if I need to look at other schools. I worry that Ava is already being labeled and that the expectation of misbehavior is something that will stick with her for the rest of her time there. I worry that she will develop a negativity about education. I worry that her teachers are eagle eye-ing her for even the slightest misstep because she’s gotten a ‘reputation’ as a kid who doesn’t listen well.
But then I also worry about the impact it would have on her to take her out of the only place she’s ever gone (she started going there at 13 months old) and away from the familiarity of the facilities and teachers. While the place isn’t perfect, our experiences there have been mostly positive and she’s been happy. Heck, she’s still happy. She likes going in the mornings and looks forward to getting back to see her friends after she’s been away for a weekend. If we moved her now we would end up moving her again when she goes to Kindergarten next year and my kid, well, she does not do transitions especially well.
So, what to do, Internets?
In a very poor orphanage in China, there is a special room for special babies.
Gracie’s Room was born after a little girl, adopted from China, died from sudden onset leukemia. Her family and friends started Gracie’s Room as a memorial in her honor. It was a room where babies could get more individualized care from their designated nannies. This means more tummy time, more food, better care, more hugs, more laughs, more toys – well, you get the idea. A taste for them, really, of what most children get every single day from their parents.
Gracie’s room saw a need in the Xinxiang SWI and began a program there. That program has now grown to include 15 babies. 15 babies who would normally spend most of their time laying in a crib or in a walker or strapped to a chair are now able to play with toys, crawl around, and learn to stand. Just as importantly, they are learning that their nanny comes every single day to take care of them. She comes when they cry, when they are hungry, when they are wet. And every time she comes it teaches them to trust and those little brain connections grow a little bit more. They learn to attach, to bond – and these lessons are beyond priceless.
But there is a price. $250.00 per year. That’s what it costs to sponsor a baby in Gracie’s room. That’s what it costs to pay the extra nannies – you know, the ones whose presence means that the caregiver/child ratio is 3 to 1 instead of 10 to 1. There’s also the extras. The cleft feeders, the toys, the warm pajamas, the vitamins, the bandages, and the money they need to repair the broken windows in the infant rooms in the SWA and to winterize the room before the cold comes. They’d hoped to be in a new building this year but no such luck – so they have to do what they can with what they have.
I believe in this organization and what they are doing. I’ve seen some of the issues they are facing. I’ve spoken with the director(s). This is the real deal.
Can you help? You don’t have to sponsor a child (but that would be GREAT if you would!) to make a difference. I know they would appreciate anything. $1, $5, $25 – whatever you can spare. You can paypal, you can write a check, you can even shop their wishlist on Amazon if you want to send something directly to the babies.
Home organization page is here: Dianjing Kids International Projects.
And their Facebook page is here: Dianjing Kids Facebook
Donate here: Dianjing Kids International Donate. If you donate here make sure you choose one of the Sponsor Gracie’s Room buttons.
Amazon wishlist here: Growing Gracie’s Room
And hey, they are a 501(c)(3) organization so this is a great place if you’re needing to get those charitable gifts in before the end of the year. Tax season is right around the corner and we all like deductions. AmIRight??
(Seriously, please consider sending a little something. These folks are doing an amazing thing and this is solely funded by people like you and me.)
P.S. Giving also makes you feel all warm and squishy and happy inside. Try it. You’ll see.